SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
