I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
