i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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