Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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