OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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