remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
