3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
