I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
