I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my shit smells like andre
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
