we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
