What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
