Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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