hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
