My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
