my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
