I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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