check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
