i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
