I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
