Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
