I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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