Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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