I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
