i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
