my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
