i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
