taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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