he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
