I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
