she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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