i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
