the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
