If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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