please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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