I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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