That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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