Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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