so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
