Non-Jews are for practice
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You may now shotgun with the bride
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
