My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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