Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
