Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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