so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
