My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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