..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
