Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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