sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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