So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
