If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
