I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
