He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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