Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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