I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
