ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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