We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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