How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
