summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
